I like my mum

I had a nose bleed on our school trip and I saw a ghost with Wayne Cameron. Mr Corbett told us to put our pyjamas on and stand by our beds. We had to go to sleep early because we were messing about. I don’t think seeing a ghost and having a nose bleed is messing about. My sister broke up all the pieces of her dolls house on Christmas day. I cried. It’s not good to break things on Xmas day. It’s not good to break things on any day, unless it’s Goody Putnam. He breaks things all the time. He tried to break me once, until I hit him in the eye. My sister wanted to be a Tom boy, that’s why she broke her dolls house. What’s a Tom boy? My Mum says it’s a girl who likes to do boys things. I put on my sisters dress once. What does that make me? My Mum says it makes me silly. Am I not a Tom girl? No, just silly. I haven’t told my Mum about putting on my sister’s makeup. I hid in the coalbunker for three days. I don’t think my Mum was very happy when she found me. She had lots of friends to keep her company though and lots of Policemen. She must have invited them over for a tea party. A man took my picture and I was famous and in the paper. I didn’t think much of the picture though all you could see were two white eyes peering out of a black face. Coal does that to you says my mum. The Bay City Rollers sang Shang a Lang a Lang to me today. I wish I was a Bay City Roller then I could make up words that no one understands. Grownups make up words that no one understands. My Mum isn’t a Bay City Roller though. I’ve got a Hi Fi. You put records on it and the Bay City Rollers sing to you. Sometimes Donny Osmond sings to me, but I prefer the Bay City Rollers. Slade are singing about “their friend Stan who’s got a funny old man, oh yeah”. Grownups are very peculiar. I’m sticking ninety four pictures of my favourite footballers on my bedroom wall with blue TAC. Alan Clarke plays for Leeds United and likes pasta and enjoys watching The Good Life. Terry Yorath doesn’t like pasta he likes steak and his favourite colour is yellow. I like chocolate spread and count Dracula lollies. Everyone wears long trousers at my school – EXCEPT ME. My mum makes me wear shorts and socks that pull up to my knees. I want a pair of Clarke’s attackers but my mum says I have to wear Start rite. We went to the shops and outside was a boy holding a box where you could put money in. He wasn’t a real boy but he had metal things on his legs and if you put money in his box my mum said children with funny legs would walk again. He was wearing the same Start rite shoes as me. I haven’t got metal things down my legs but maybe I will if I keep wearing these shoes. I don’t want to stand outside a shop with a box though.