I like my mum

Father Christmas came to our house. I know he did because he ate a mince pie and a bottle of Pale Ale. Sometimes he has a bottle of Guinness. I think it just depends what he feels like. Me and David Miller are throwing George Chestnuts’ plimsolls into the paddock. Georgie Porgie told Mr Shanks. I’m getting smacked on the backs of my legs. I don’t like Mr Shanks. Goody Putnam is punching me in the stomach. He’s punching me in the stomach for the whole of break time. I don’t punch Goody Putnam because I hate fighting, but you can only take so much. I took fifteen minutes of punches just before the bell went then I punched Goody Putnam in the eye. It went red and Goody Putnam never punched me again. I’m going to Aunty Dories and I have to use the Zebra crossing. My mum always knows if I don’t use the zebra crossing. I don’t know how she knows but she does. I like my mum; she has magic powers that tell her if I’ve used the zebra crossing. The blind lady who comes into school every Wednesday to teach us reading has magic powers like my mum. We all try and pull faces at her because we know she can’t see, but she always knows when we do. Now that’s real magic. I eat a Mars bar and make it last for an hour. I like Count Dracula lollies; they make your tongue go black. My mum gives me two pence every day and I buy some crisps from the tuck shop during break time. My friend Philip is in charge of selling crisps at break time. Sometimes I have Smokey Bacon flavour but my favourite is Beef and Onion. Philip hasn’t got any Beef and Onion this morning so I have Prawn Cocktail instead. My mum gives me a can of New Potatoes and a tin of corned beef. I take them to school and in assembly we all go up to the front and place them with a pile of other tins which have some wheat and barley and pretend bread near them. Mr Shanks says we must take our tins and cans to some old people who live on the council. I want to take the wheat and barley and pretend bread, but Mr Shanks says I’m not taking things seriously and I get two more smacks on the back of my legs. If I was old and lived on the council I’d want some wheat and barley and pretend bread. I hate New Potatoes and corned beef. I’m going to the London Palladium tonight with my friend Paul Cockle. Paul lives on the council, but his dad works with my dad. My dad’s boss buys us a coach and makes us all sandwiches and a drink and then drives us to the London Palladium. We are going to see a pantomime. I don’t know what a pantomime is, but it’s good to be on a coach with my friend Paul Cockle, even if he does live on the council.