‘I’ll come quietly’ and with that Katy offered both wrists to the officer to handcuff.
‘You too’ said the understandably and less than delighted officer.
‘But I hardly know her officer. I’ll just get my golden frog and be on my way’
‘Leave the frog, you’re coming to the station’
As I sat in the back of the Panda, Katy up front and flirty with our arresting officer, a walkie-talkie, yellow fluorescent jacket , log book, handcuffs and truncheon lay unattended next to me . How it all managed to get stuffed under my dress shirt is still a scientific mystery. Admittedly I looked two stone heavier than when I got into the car, but Katy’s new aficionado certainly didn’t notice, as he was far too preoccupied trying to avoid another accident whilst having his left thigh squeezed by a paralytic Scotswoman.
By the end of her interrogation Katy had succeeded in seducing our arresting officer (now referred to as Ben) who had fallen hook, line and sinker for Katy’s womanly ways, and had agreed to give both her and I a lift back to the college campus.
‘Thank you Ben. You’ve been very kind and understanding about it all. See you in the 'Pissed as a newt' on Saturday. Kissy, kissy’
‘Kissy, Kissy? How on earth did you get away with that?’ I said incredulously.
‘If we’d made it to the copse you’d have found out’
Walking back to the three bedroom house where me, Mel, the gang and thirty eight other students lived, Katy’s Blue Nun really began kicking in. Voices in my head filled every step. It was like tuning into FM and only getting Medium Wave. I began running to shake off the crackling invaders but they wouldn’t leave me alone.
‘Where have you been? I’ve been worried sick.’ Mel was quite rightly concerned for my welfare as the last time she had spoken to me I was going to get her a packet of dry roasted nuts – that was 6 hours ago!
‘You prick’
‘Good to see you too Dave’
‘Dickhead’
‘Hi Wends’
‘Cock’
‘Yep’
It appeared the whole gang had stayed with Mel to lend moral support.
‘Wanker’
‘That’s it. Night all’.
I slammed the bedroom door and collapsed on the bed. I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow. Mel thanked the gang for their support when there was loud knock on the door.
‘Morning madam. Sorry to disturb you so late, but we have reason to believe that you have something that belongs to us’
‘Bravo two tango…’
The Police accompanied by Mel and the Gang listened intently as they followed Bravo two tango into my bedroom and under the duvet. Dave began rummaging around inside my dress shirt causing involuntary spasms of giggling.
‘This is not a laughing matter sir.’
‘I’m not laughing, I’m giggling’
It was at that point that two offices persuaded Dave to step aside, one holding my arms above my head as he straddled me, the other ripping open my dress shirt.
‘Bit forward aren’t ya. I don’t even know your names?’
This was my ‘Midnight Express’moment, but instead of finding fifty kilos of hashish strapped to my abdomen out popped the log book, fluorescent jacket, handcuffs, truncheon and finally the Walkie Talkie.
‘I promise I haven’t stuffed anything up my arse’
‘He just gets a little over excited at times.’ Mel loved me unconditionally.
‘He’s also a complete and utter knob’. Fair to say the gang didn’t share Mel’s unqualified emotion.
No comments:
Post a Comment